apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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