what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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