my soul wont recognize me after tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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