only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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