LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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