Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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