drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My hand turned me down
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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