I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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