just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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