So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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