ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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