I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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