Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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