maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize