it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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