It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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