jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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