drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize