I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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