why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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