If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize