I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize