Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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