the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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