YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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