sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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