And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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