He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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