I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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