I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize