I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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