Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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