when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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