There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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