I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
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I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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