Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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