Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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