Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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