she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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