i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize