Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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