I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize