We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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