You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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