"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize