You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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