Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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