:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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