I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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