And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize